Would you like to eat dinner in a place with:

• An unnecessarily amped Russian guitarist shouting so that you can't hear each other speak?
• No heating + a free hole to the outside?
• Bad food which takes at least 3 hours to arrive without apology?
• Staff who are willing to get aggressive with customers?
• Fish cooked so badly that you throw up when you finally get home?

Would you like all this for just £35?

Then I think I have the place for you:

Borshtch 'n' Tears
45-46 Beauchamp Place
London
SW3 1NX